Drafted By: Mheyah Bailey
This is lesson #4 in the How to Improve Communication Series and is another wonderful “C” word-COMMITMENT and next time is COURAGE.
When I started thinking of writing lesson #4 and after getting some great feedback from lots of people, I realized that really what we have been talking about so far are qualities and principles. I have been calling them steps, which they aren’t really. Total AHA moment. What I have ended up doing is creating a SUPER SIMPLE STEP X STEP SYSTEM that has evolved out of our conversations about the PRINCIPLES and QUALITIES it takes to be a STELLAR COMMUNICATOR.
It is one thing to talk about the principles one needs to positively communicate but entirely another to see what those steps actually look like and have a guide to learn from.
I realized that a Step by Step System could be really helpful for most people.
I know for myself it would be and thought you might appreciate one as well.
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For now, I am going to continue with the 5 PRINCIPLES and QUALITIES and then tell you more about the SUPER SIMPLE STEP X STEP SYSTEM. We have already talked about the importance of CONSCIOUSNESS (fancy word for awareness of oneself) COMPASSION (fancy word for caring) and CURIOSITY (fancy word for seeking to understand) and for today we are going to look at PRINCIPLE #4 – COMMITMENT
So what does it really mean to be COMMITTED
COM-MIT-MENT [kuh-mit-muhnt] noun
1. the act of committing: dedicating, pledging, or engaging oneself.
2. a pledge or promise; obligation
3. engagement; involvement; allegiance; dedicated;
4. an act of committing to a charge or trust
5. the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled
6. being honour bound
There are 3 really important foundational parts to commitment: RESPONSIBILITY, TRUST and super important FOLLOW THROUGH. The really important value about commitment is for the very simple fact as humans one of our core needs is for security and safety, and in our significant LOVE relationships we need safety and security most of all. They have discovered that the relationship we have with our partner is as important a relationship as between a parent and child. Feeling insecure or in doubt about the stability of the connection can leave most people in a fragile state indeed, and this is when communication becomes vital to create the safety that is required for a collaborative loving relationship.
Dr. Sue Johnson creator of Emotional Focused Therapy and the author of a brilliant book Hold Me Tight about attachment theory and emotional connection says:
“We have a wired-in need for emotional contact and responsiveness from significant others. It’s a survival response, the driving force of the bond of security a baby seeks with its mother. This observation is at the heart of attachment theory. A great deal of evidence indicates that the need for secure attachment never disappears; it evolves into the adult need for a secure emotional bond with a partner. Think of how a mother lovingly gazes at her baby, just as two lovers stare into each other’s eyes. Although our culture has framed dependency as a bad thing, a weakness, it is not. Being attached to someone provides our greatest sense of security and safety. It means depending on a partner to respond when you call, to know that you matter to him or her, that you are cherished, and that he will respond to your emotional needs”
And of course this is where being COMMITTED is of the utmost importance as other people need to know that you aren’t going anywhere, that you will do what you say you will do, that you are committed to the process, even through the challenging conversations that aren’t easy to have, that you won’t go far when you need space and that you can be relied on to come back, that you are reliable to follow through, that you are committed to the values that are important to you both, like honesty or integrity, that you have an agreement of acceptable behavior between you, are loyal, collaborative, caring, compassionate, are on the same team, that you show up like you say you will, that you accept responsibility for yourself, that you are consistent, that you can depend on one another……………this all builds TRUST.
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There is a lot more to say on the TRUST topic, but suffice to say if you aren’t committed in the ways I have mentioned then TRUST is challenging to earn. I will get into more trust later however the essence is that being committed is essential to building strong relationships , which leads me to RESPONSIBILITY (great article on Personal Responsibility) which is really the foundation of COMMITMENT and I do have to admit is one of my favourite topics because Personal Responsibility can be the one thing that is the hardest concept to grasp.
We are all 100% responsible for the choices we make everyday, for how we act and behave in any relationship personally or professionally. Being responsible for oneself is a commitment in itself. Hold up your right hand and say “I am 100% responsible for myself, how I act and behave, what I say and do and how I say and do it”. To be reliable and trustworthy takes commitment and what you are committed to shows in your life. Another way to say that, is your life and your relationships are a direct reflection of what you are committed to. We all live in a place of choice and our lives reflect our choices.
If you have a lot of drama in your life then you are committed to drama, if you are committed to love you have loving relationships, I imagine you get the idea. I am saying this with the caveat that there are lots of events in our lives we aren’t in control of and that “stuff happens” to all of us that is out of our realm of influence and power. It can be a challenge to accept a 100% level of responsibility for ourselves, as it is human nature to look outside ourselves for the causes of our challenges, but when we learn to take responsibility and really choose who we want to be, then we have found an important piece to happiness and success.
FOLLOW THROUGH means you will do as you say you will: that is COMMITMENT, and when you follow through consistently you build TRUST, whether it is your special LOVE, KIDS, FRIENDS, PARENTS or CO-WORKERS. So COMMITMENT and RESPONSIBILITY are actions towards improving communication and connection with others. It may sound like we are only talking about significant LOVE relationships but at the heart of the matter we all need COMMITMENT, TRUST and RESPONSIBILITY in all our relationships personally and professionally.
PLEASE SHARE IF YOU WISH AND TELL ME :
WHAT ARE YOU CHOOSING TO BE COMMITTED TO?
DO YOU NEED TO TAKE MORE RESPONSIBILITY SOMEWHERE IN YOUR LIFE?
I look forward to connecting with you.
Mheyah Bailey CCO
Chief Connection Officer
Connection Point Centre
Skype: Mheyah Bailey
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